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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

The Civil Life

Sorry for the no post on Monday. I have been so busy here at home trying to get ready for the holidays. Last night I decided to wrap presents. Apparently you use different muscles when you wrap presents. I am so sore from it! It is the strangest thing.

So in November, I mentioned some books that I was interested in reading. I did order the Inviting Life and the second book that I ordered is the Civility Solution; What to do When People Are Rude and I must admit I have NOT be able to put it down.

In the opening part of the book, the author P.M. Forni (who just passed away on December 1), starts with this....
"Rudeness may be everybody's everyday problem, but millions remain unprepared for their encounters with it. This book aims to help you find exactly what rudeness is and how it works. Most important, you will learn how to defend yourself effectively and civilly from its daily challenges. Being civil is the sterling strategy for rudeness prevention. If you are respectful and considerate, most of the people with whom you come in contact will be motivated to be the same in return. When rudeness can't be prevented, civility is still your best choice, as the stories that follow over and over again..... 

Mr. Forni then goes into a story from his life. He talked about how on some airplanes there is a sign giving a suggestion not a regulation on being courtesy. The key words are "as a courtesy" and "we suggest"- nothing more than a gentle prodding. But why should we clean out a basin that a perfect stranger will use next? Why spend time and energy on something that does not benefit us directly? Because it is the right thing to do. Being courteous to the next passenger is its own reward, the sole incentive. A remarkable notion!  

I know that I never leave a sink without wiping it down before I leave. It's common courtesy and it shows that you are neat and care about order.

I am still in the first chapter of the book but it is so wonderful. I am especially loving the section called "Unfocused Rudeness". I experienced that this weekend when my daughter and I attended the Nutcracker Ballet. People were still on their cell phones during some of the show and showing up 40 minutes after it started!!! Come on people, really! 

This book has been such a pleasure to read. I also wanted to share some of the chapters that Mr. Forni discusses. 

Look at some of these chapters.... Your Spouse takes Your Housework for Granted (oh my), Your Mother in Law Criticizes You, Your Child Talks Back to You... 

The New Neighbors are Noisy, Your Boss Reprimands You in Public, Your Colleague in the Next Cubicle is Noisy (yep been there).... 

A Supervisor is being Unfair, Another Driver is Tailgating You (not everyone at once), and my friend got a kick out of this chapter, "The Infamous Finger Makes an Appearance". There are more great chapters but I didn't want to keep going. I just had to share this book with everyone. I got a pretty good feeling that this one will be one of the "great ones" for me. I hope you enjoy it!

(photos via Pinterest and Mrs. Shockley)


  1. The book about rudeness sounds so interesting .... I am going to find it .

    1. It is! You must purchase a copy if you can. Thank you for stopping by!

  2. Dear Mrs. Shockley,

    I saw this book on your site and found it at my library. I think I read it in three nights! It's just what we needed, but I wish everyone had a copy.

    I agreed with the unintentional/intentional rudeness the most. It made so much sense. I just don't know if I'm brave enough to say some of the suggestions in the latter part of the book.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours.

    Warmly, Kathleen

    1. Hello Kathleen,
      Wow you read it? How fantastic! I am so glad that you enjoyed it. I am just starting it so I am interested in reading about the suggestions that he mentions in the book. And I am with you on the unfocused rudeness. People really don't pay attention anymore about how their actions are affecting other people but I blame cell phones for that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the book!