This past May I shared a book that I was reading called Treating People Well and in that post I talked about the Power of Charm and how to present yourself at parties and in small groups. That section of the book provided great pointers on how to mingle properly.
Today I want to share their chapter called "Radiate Calm". When I read the title was intrigued and curious but this happened to be one of the best chapters that I have read so far!
This chapter starts off with wonderful quote on how to "radiate calm". It said....
"Staying calm is assertive. When you remain serene, you're communicating that you have the situation under control and there's nothing to worry about...... It's tempting to fly off the handle in a confrontational moment, but far more valuable to bring goodwill and order back to an unraveling situation. Maintaining a sense of equanimity even when matters are tense disarms antagonists, builds trust, and forces everyone involved to focus on the problem logically rather than emotionally, allowing for a better and quicker resolutions".
WOW, I had to underline that in the book! I keep going back to it trying to remind myself to radiate calm. I even put some of the words in my day designer as reminders through out the day.
Lea and Jeremy provided four ways to radiate calm under any circumstance. 1) Stay composed, 2) Avoid drama, 3) Find common ground and 4) Maintain perspective.
Lea stated, "acting with cool precision can help you appear powerful and in control, even if you might be rolling on the inside"......
In the avoid drama section they mentioned, "don't get angry; get things done" and this wonderful quote which I keep telling myself, "rising calmly above". I ADORE this quote! I have written it down several times already. And this wonderful thought still holds true, " we learned to turn the other cheek at rude behavior". Even though I believe that there is a time to address rude people and then there is a time not to. When it comes to family and close friends, okay address the rude behavior. When it comes someone driving next to me or a person that I know that I am not going to see for the rest of my life, I simply turn my cheek to their rude behavior.
"Often it isn't important to know why someone is behaving in a certain way; what matters is how you respond". I remember my mentor telling me that sometimes you have to think why someone is acting a certain way and in most cases it has nothing to do with you.
And always keep this in mind drama begets drama. This is soooo true! I know we have all heard of the old saying, "misery loves company". Well so does drama! Drama filled people attract who they are. So stay clear of them.
Other issues discussed were: recognizing hot buttons. If someone likes stirring the pot and can't respect opinions that differ from his own, think carefully about including him in gatherings with people of varied views. Don't escalate: take what people are saying at face value and act on the facts you know, not the emotions you may feel. Temper your tone: there will probably be a few times when you wish you had voice your anger more forcefully, but more often we wish we'd said less. Find common ground: don't shy away from becoming an intermediary between two parties in conflict if you can help them arrive at a resolution. You may feel trapped at first, but remember that if you treat both sides with equal respect and honesty and have an investment in the outcome, this is a position of influence.
I have so many highlighted sections in this chapter. It really hit home for me as I have been dealing with co-worker pettiness (read my post here about that), disrespectful family members and trying to navigate a hormonal teenager. I normally repeat in my mind this saying from Pastor Charles Stanley, "maintain quiet spirit". Now I can add "radiate calm" and "calmly rise above it". I hope that you enjoyed this tips from the book and as I proceed on I will share anything else that I believe that will add a dose of elegance to our lives.
(photos via Pinterest)
(tips: Authors Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard)